Dror Bikel on Fox with Bill and Melinda Gates divorce commentary.
Transcript:
MODERATOR:
There’s an old saying, “The rich are not like you and me.” But in this case, they are. Bill and Melinda Gates announced they are separating. A $130 billion fortune. Imagine all the things they have that they’ll have to split up. High-profile divorce attorney, Dror Bikel, joins us. He’s the author of “The 1% Divorce – When Titans Clash.” I need to check this out.
Hey, Dror, good to talk with you this morning. So, 27 years of marriage. You look on the outside and you think, “Oh, what a perfect couple. They’re doing all this work around the world. They’re so wealthy. They have everything.” And, yet, they decided they cannot remain together.
DROR BIKEL (DB):
Yeah. You never know what’s happening behind closed doors. It’s a shock to the public because it was such a productive marriage. They have this foundation. They have over $100 billion. They have three children. Why on earth would they want to get divorced? But we don’t know what’s going on between them. Their statement says that they had been working on their relationship for some time. So, while it’s a surprise to us, it’s not a surprise to them.
Obviously, he resigned from the Board of Microsoft last year. Their youngest child is now emancipated for legal purposes. So, looking back now, the timing kind of makes sense. So, it’s a surprise to us; not such a surprise to them.
MODERATOR:
You’ve been through a lot of these. I just went through it myself about a year and a half ago. I’ve got to tell you, I was married for 22 years, and it’s one of those things where you wonder if people are meant to stay together long term. Some people are, for sure, but you can grow apart, right? Even when you’re trying to grow together, and you raise this amazing family, it’s possible even when you have so much success. Outwardly people think you’re amazing, but you can grow apart.
DB:
For sure. Marriage, and particularly marriage over time and the ability to stay in the marriage, is a skillset, and it can require a lot of work. Couples can put in the work and go to couples counseling to try to be as understanding and nourishing as possible, but sometimes it’s just that two people just can’t live together.
Bill Gates is 65. He’s a little older to get divorced, but I guess they felt that they had to do that. She’s the one who brought the legal proceeding for a divorce. She’s the plaintiff. So, reading tea leaves, it could be that she’s the one who wanted out of this relationship.
MODERATOR:
In your experience, if you’re talking long-term marriages, I’m sure a lot of our viewers are in them right now, and maybe there are some people that just got married. Is it important to begin some of that work of keeping together and keeping your interests together early in the marriage? Can you save a marriage at the end, 15 to 20 years into it, when you see it kind of spinning out?
DB:
You can, but the important thing is to be honest with each other, to talk to each other, and, frankly, as I tell people, to be kind to each other. It’s very easy to say hurtful things, for people to react in hurtful ways, to spin out and get calcified in your positions, to have a victim narrative, and then you’re going to fight it out. It’s so important for couples to be kind to each other, to listen to your spouse’s perspective, try to see things from his or her viewpoint, and then move on in that kind, nourishing way, if possible. If it’s not possible, then, yes, it can very well end up in divorce.
MODERATOR:
Maybe it’s also important to keep in mind and remember what you were like and how you acted towards each other when you were dating, in the early stages of your relationship, when you were looking to be as kind as possible to that person, to please that person, to make them happy. Because if you get too comfortable with that person, all of a sudden, some of that stuff goes away, doesn’t it?
DB:
Yeah, I think it’s always important to remember why you married your spouse. What was it about your spouse in the beginning, when you first met, that gave you that feeling that you wanted to marry that person and take those traits of your spouse throughout the marriage? The problem is, things that we initially love later irritate us. For example, if your spouse has an accent, when you’re dating you may think that accent is cool. Twenty years later, you may be irritated by that accent. But that means that we changed, not your spouse with the accent. So, it is always important to think back for the reasons why you entered into the marriage and the reason why you loved your spouse in the beginning.
MODERATOR:
Dror, that was some great information, good advice. I feel like I’ve been through a therapy session a little bit. I appreciate it. The book is called, “The 1% Divorce – When Titans Clash.” I’m going to check it out. Can you get that on Amazon or wherever books are sold?
DB:
You can. Yes. Thank you.
MODERATOR:
Thank you so much for being on with us this morning.
DB:
All right. Take care. Thank you so much.